BOAT RIDE

   My mother felt compelled to sing a lullaby to me at bed time. Thank God she was aware of not having a good voice and only sang that one song, otherwise I would have definitely been deformed. As it was, my brain was seriously warped by this mournful melody. The lullaby, Speed Bonnie Boat, was about Bonnie Prince Charles' escape to the Isle of Sky where he was safely hidden from his enemies. I figured that mom was preparing me for the worst, that there was a curse over our heads waiting to burst like a severed sky artery and cover us in blood. On the nights when the wind was busy trying to unlock my windows, I heard the enemy looking for me, using the moon as a search light, turning the clouds into bushes along the highways of the sky. His horse hooves pounded down the night road into the vein under my jaw. I spent the night packing imaginary suitcases, deciding which toys I could take and what I would have to say good-bye to.

   Asleep, I dream of the boat ride across the black licorice water to the stone tower called Sky. There is always a different man guiding the boat while my mother stands at the rail reading letters about things she'll never see again. I'm not allowed to take my dog with me, but that's O.K. because I was never allowed to have a dog anyway. This dog stands on the dock as we pull away and the water swells up and down between us and I can hear the horses in the sky, and it isn't until we're in the middle of the ocean, and the dog is small and far away, that he begins to bark, trying to tell us that someone else is on the boat; the enemy is with us.

   So when my mother did announce with tears in her eyes that we had to leave, I did not cry. I told her right away what to pack and what to leave behind. I knew we had to be out before he came back, and when my tricycle didn't fit in the taxi I watched it get smaller and smaller on the sidewalk as we pulled away. She says we can send for it, but I tell her, no Mom, let the horses eat it.